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Whether it’s talking to your teen about sex or drugs, your spouse about finances, your employee about attendance, or your customer about late payment, the prospect of undertaking a difficult discussion is horrifying to many, if not most, people.

Since many of us dislike tackling unpleasant tasks anyway, we tend to procrastinate and then feel guilty about putting off something so important. It’s quite probable we will wind up feeling even more miserable and anxious about the upcoming conversation and might even lose sleep or make ourselves sick over it.

Initiating such a discussion doesn’t have to be nearly as painful as imagined. With the right mindset and a little preparation, you can learn to handle even the most difficult topic with ease and confidence. The following tips will enable you to do just that.

1. Realize that your goal is to benefit the recipient and others as well as yourself. Even though the recipient may not agree with you, especially at the time, usually they will come to understand the necessity for the conversation.

2. Focus on the possible positive outcomes of having the discussion sooner rather than later. The discussion wouldn’t be necessary if the situation wasn’t causing a problem for someone. Focusing on how things will be different when the problem is gone will make it easier for you to approach the discussion.

3. Prepare for any possible reaction to the discussion. Have a back-up plan for handling any response to what you say. You may be presented with anger, denial, silence or even disbelief. Knowing in advance exactly how you will deal with any of these circumstances will give you the confidence you need to proceed. You cannot control a person’s reaction, nor can you predict it, but you can always prepare for it.

4. Have a reward planned for yourself upon completion, especially if the topic was an especially difficult one for you.

Following these tips will help make you a more competent communicator, and who wouldn’t benefit from that?

by Ginny Dye

Many of us allow our fear to stop us in our tracks. All it takes is a less than encouraging word, a negative facial expression, or a less than positive opinion, and we give up before we even get started. We’re afraid of:

• * the word “no” because it means failure
• * the word “yes” because it means responsibility
• * the disapproving look because it means rejection
• * the whispers and grins because they mean judgment, and
• * the absence of support because it means abandonment

Let’s look at these five catalysts to failure and how they can be overcome. (more…)